Over the years in our LGBTI specialist practice we’ve seen many men, women and gender diverse clients come out late in life. For some it is an exciting transition filled with freedom, self discovery and a moist throbbing all-you-can-eat sumptuous buffet of lust and love. For others it can be quite daunting and disappointing, reinforcing feelings of isolation and defectiveness.

If you’re coming out late, fortunately there are ways to eventually adapt and have a fulfilling life in your new identity.

It can be challenging adapting to an LGBTI subculture which can be very different to a ‘straight’ life. The things we take as being standard for us in our communities can seem foreign and even strange to the uninitiated. At the start it can feel as though you are a fish out of water and it can seem depressing thinking that you’ll never belong. If this is the case, be patient with yourself and keep trying different social groups such as ‘Gay Pensioners’ Aerobics Class in Stilettos’ until you find your ‘tribe’.

Another difficulty can be dealing with the homophobic beliefs you’ve absorbed over the years. These can create feelings of worthlessness or that you are disordered or evil when you are exploring who you are as a same sex attracted or gender diverse person. Recognise that they are beliefs that are not reality and are just stories in your head.

One of the other issues can be falling in love for the first time. You’ll be as irrational as a deranged teenager on heat and will probably find yourself doing things that you would find ridiculous with anyone else. Luckily you have access to years of wisdom that can help you so it should pass quickly.

Experiment, challenge yourself and know that in the end you will find yourself out there in LGBTI land!