Gays and Lesbians are often stereotyped as being free of the expectations of what it means to be a female or male in our society.

Men can be as camp as they like while mincing through interior design shops in faux leopard skin belly button tops and make the best friends for women as they share intimate personal secrets and express their emotionally sensitivity and caring. Lesbian women are totally free of the restrictions that society stipulates regarding what it means to be female.

It seems reasonable therefore that in relationships, gays and lesbians are the most emancipated couples, with gay men experiencing deep intimacy with each other and lesbians in relationships that are powerful and independent. The problem is that gay men are still men and lesbian women are still women and we’re taught from a very early age what this means. These beliefs are so deeply embedded that they can play havoc in our relationships.

The reality is that it is often difficult for gay men to feel vulnerable and emotionally close to each other as men are taught to be emotionally distant from other males.

Lesbian women often have a sense of ‘losing themselves’ in a relationship as they become so emotionally intimate with their partner that they can ‘fuse’ and almost become one person. This isn’t the case for every relationship, but it is something that happens more often than people like to think.

In order to develop a healthy balanced relationship, it’s important for couples to realise that they may be impacted by these beliefs, and to make changes if this is the case. For many male couples it can be important to learn to be emotionally vulnerable and intimate, and for some women it’s healthy to develop separate identities and still remain deeply attached. Overcoming our sex role conditioning can dramatically improve the quality of our fabulous same sex relationships.