Bottoms and Tops

Being a gay man can be a little complex at times.  An example of this is the issue of being a top or bottom depending on whether you prefer being the fucker or fuckee.    This area is plagued by stereotypes such as bottoms are girly and have an overwhelming urge to make heart shaped pikelets while wearing fluro short shorts.  Another is that tops are butch and want to change peoples' tyres and hit metal things with hammers.    Fortunately these stereotypes are not based in reality.   Although the top/bottom issue can make some relationships challenging, there are ways of successfully working your way through the tight complex maze of anal passion.  

How is it that some people end up being almost exclusively tops or bottoms?  Bottoms can start in teenage years by fantasizing about being a being fucked by a Latino gang leader over a vat of 'Creamy Chorizo Sausage Surprise' in a maximum security prison kitchen.  Tops sometimes develop when young by imagining landing from a great height from a high jump and accidentally pinning their best school buddy to the ground with their erect pole of adolescent curiosity.    

At the beginning of anal sex exploration, bottoms seem to quickly move from the 'it feels like I need to do a poo-poo' to the 'god yeah harder, harder!!' phase.  Tops may have tried it but find the idea of being fucked as compelling as extracting ear wax from their grandmother.    After some years of being a bottom or top, it can become psychologically hard wired, so it may be unlikely to change.  

It's clear that life is much easier in a relationship when it is sexually compatible.  My Dad who is a huge queen said that 'you can't have 2 cows in the one paddock.'  It is much more convenient being sexually compatible in a relationship and as the saying goes, '2 bottoms don't make a top'.  But there are also many examples of sexually incompatible couples who have been able to work their way through this issue by being creative and communicating effectively.   

So you can now wear a t-shirt with the words 'Bottom Power!' or 'A Top in Time Saves 9' with pride and honour!

Paul Martin - Principal Psychologist - Centre for Human Potential - info@centreforhumanpotential.com.au