Successfully Single

Some people would rather wake up to life sized naked Pauline Hanson posters on their bedroom ceiling than be single.   A fear of being single can keep people in crappy relationships, cause unhealthy levels of stress, and lead people to go from one relationship straight into another without ever experiencing the amazing personal growth that can happen when single.

One major fear people have when thinking about being single is being lonely.   Many in our GLBTI communities spent childhood and adolescence feeling different and defective and not connected to others.  This experience of loneliness can feel almost traumatic for some.  So the thought of being on your own can trigger off some very deep and old feelings!   If this is ongoing or overwhelming, you may benefit from seeing a GLBT specialist psychologist.

The other fear can be the sense that being single means you are as worthwhile as extra long pink acrylic nails with sparkles at a hard core leather dance party.  Being brought up in the straight world, we are taught that you have to have one partner forever to have any value.  This is a ridiculous belief which has no basis in reality.

One of the advantages of being single is that it gives you the emotional space and energy to put into developing a rich variety of other types of love.  Opening up to a much loved friend or sibling, or exploring the selfless love unique to connecting with a child can all be deeply fulfilling.    There are also ways of getting affection and sexual fulfilment without being in a relationship.  As your grandmother said, “a fuck buddy in the hand is worth 5 in the bush. “

Celebrate your single life and take the opportunity to explore who you are at a deep level.    In our profession, we call this process as 'engaging the giant vibrating black butt plug of self awareness.'