‘How Did You Do That?’: My Experience Of Becoming A Mum Through IVF


Brisbane author and mum rj miles

The first time I told an acquaintance, “My wife and I are expecting our first baby in December,” their response was, “How?”

Luckily, I love talking about how babies are made, especially ours. The path we walked (due to my endometriosis) was initiated by in-vitro fertilisation – or IVF.

Although many people think of this as a modern innovation, it was first developed 40 years ago!

Our baby will be born in 2018, but IVF’s first baby was born in 1978. Nowadays, Louise Brown is like many other people you would meet, with two naturally conceived children of her own.

But when Louise was born, she was the result of the world’s first successful in-vitro fertilisation treatment (IVF).

In the same era that brought flared jeans and ABBA to the fore, IVF was just as experimental, attracting mixed views from the general public.

Back then, IVF involved removing a single egg from the mother’s natural ovulation and placing it in the same environment as live sperm.

After the egg was fertilised and had matured into a multiple-celled embryo, it was placed inside the mother, where it attached to the uterine wall and grew into a baby.

When we started, 38 years after its debut, IVF had evolved. Artificial hormones could allow for the creation and removal of multiple eggs, which could be fertilised with free-swimmers – but sperm could also injected into the eggs under a microscope, which addresses some male fertility concerns resulting from lower motility.

An embryo can now be implanted fresh, or frozen for later use – a technology that became available in the 1980s.

A woman can now have multiple attempts to get pregnant from the same egg pick-up surgery by freezing leftover embryos. Eggs, sperm, and embryos can be frozen, used later, or even donated to other people.

Just like we watched vinyl records morph into Spotify in the same amount of time, the complexity of fertility issues that could be solved increased.

“What do you think of this one? He is a healthy soccer player, and had braces growing up, just like me!”

Choosing the sperm was like a game of Guess Who. We looked through an album of potential young men who could help us create a baby, without wanting parental status.

Although our child can access his details at the age of 18, we are legally their parents.

Not everyone chooses this, and fertility clinics also allow people to choose people they know, subject to medical testing.

After our little game of Guess Who, I went in for a game of Operation. The most nerve-wracking part of this process was calling the clinic every day and seeing how many of our potential babies were still growing.

Six were removed at surgery, but by day five, only two had made it to the freezer. Although it felt disappointing, I knew that my ice-ice-babies were going to give us a good chance of pregnancy.

Nearly two years later, the doctor furrowed his brow at the consultation and told me, “Be prepared, this first attempt is very unlikely to work.”

Some say the body is a temple, but I think it is more like a garden. When you are preparing for IVF, they scan your uterine lining a number of times to check that it is nutrient-rich for your microscopic ‘seed.’

I was given a nip of brandy and Valium – which would be my last drink for a very long time!

This relaxed my muscles and the doctor inserted the embryo into my body, using a very thin surgical implement. It was mildly uncomfortable and took a few minutes.

Two weeks, 10 pee sticks and a blood test confirmed that it had worked!

The process of making a baby may not always require IVF for same-sex couples, but this is my experience of its miraculous science. What a time to be alive!